Week 43: Vacation, All I Ever Needed.

October 25, 2010 at 7:16 (Uncategorized)


We spent the weekend in Nashville for our friends’ wedding. And I saw what I always see when I’m on vacation: How I love gaining a different and renewed perspective above all else. I never would have gone to Nashville, for example, if it weren’t for our friends C&S. That’s something to recognize as we halt and alter and stretch and re-scope and  bastardize our wedding plans in pursuit of the perfect scenario that pleases all.

C & S come from religious families but had their wedding in a music joint in Nasville. They did it their way, with vintage  clothing, a gritty and sparse setting, BBQ from down the street and friends playing music all night. If they had done it any other way — how their parents’ envisioned, in a way that would have made it better or easier for anyone else, whatever that means, or just traditionally — it just wouldn’t have worked. And I don’t just mean for them. Yes, they wouldn’t have been happy — and trying to please others doesn’t necessarily mean the others will be happy, either, as I’m learning. But it’s more the benefits they afforded all of us because they made the occasion about them; not about us. It was one day to see things from a perspective other than our own. Some people I know are long overdue for that awakening.

Going on vacation gets you out of your head and your rat race and your routine of a life and freshens your perspective. Doing a mundane thing like attending a wedding in a completely different way from what you’re used to can evolve and develop and grow you, too. It’s something I hadn’t considered when trying to make everyone happy: That they might actually benefit more from not getting what they expect. That doing what they want isn’t necessarily the right thing, nor is it in line with my beliefs about what it means to be a good friend, family member or  person any more. I think that if they decide that they can’t make it or won’t stand for it or that they’re only content with things a certain way, it’s their loss. And it truly is.

When people say the wedding is ‘about you’, I now interpret that to mean ‘we’re coming because we want to be a part of who you are and what you share together. We’re happy for you — who the two of you are. We want to experience that and celebrate that and draw from that and feel good about that.’ And maybe, unspoken, is the hope and expectation to learn from that and take more than a cheap trinket home with them. It’s bigger than that to them.

And in the spirit of bigger than that, my marriage is bigger than all the pettiness that is going around, too. It’s more than support I want for T and me, although even that seems hard won. It’s deference for our beliefs, personal preferences, religious backgrounds, spiritual values and approach to OUR family and future. It’s not about us being the center of attention or waited on hand and foot, but it is about allowing the moment to emerge naturally where we come into our own. About no one standing it our way. It’s about bearing witness to what happens without control or expectations, which is how our love came about in the first place.

It’s about letting us be. It’s about letting it happen. It’s about letting us be happy.

It’s about me letting us be happy.

It always is.

I need to figure out what  I want and start changing everything else. Already, I know I need more vacations.

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