Week 21: Is Week 1 for Some People

June 4, 2010 at 7:16 (Uncategorized)

May 22, 10:40 am, CMP is born. For 9 days I’ve been waiting for him to show up in person. For 9 months I’ve been watching his mom turn him into one. It is crazy now that he is here and my friends H and M are not two people but three. A family.

I have never seen anything so new. His second day here, he opened his eyes and looked at me. He didn’t see me or understand me but he was learning me. He knew my voice and was connecting it to whatever his developing rods and cones would allow. This made me look away, embarrassed to be so vulnerable, but look back, arrested by being so arresting. He took my breath away. In a week, I shower and brush my teeth and run to the bus and scribble notes and go to meetings and present to clients and throw away hours of work and make dinner and make phone calls and make love if I’m lucky — and this kid just got here. He’s had one week. My week goes by in a flash and this flash is his first few days. I’m missing everything. By contrast, he’s missing nothing: he’s taking in everything, and he is overwhelmed. He screams and cries. Everything sucks for this kid, and I get it. Birth is as traumatic as they say, and he’s got two very thoughtful and sensitive parents, so he’s bound to be picking it all up, little antenna that he is. At least, I hope he’s paying attention because this is all pretty incredible.

I love this kid. I want to snuggle him but I’m scared to crush him. I want to kiss him but it makes him cry. I love this kid. I love him so much. ¬†I love that ¬†Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time” soothes him. I’m so glad he’s here, and that I get many, many more weeks with him.


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